I just lost the drive to celebrate my birthday.

Just less than 3 weeks from now...

I used to be very excited at the very idea that my birthday is just around the corner. Call me egocentric, but my birthday is my favorite holiday. No, I am not so sure.

The boyfriend will be in Manila for his stupid annual convention with that stupid girl. It's not like he has never been there before. He can just as well miss it, but no, he'll go there. What hurts is that I know he will never choose me over it because I'm not at the top of his priorities. I should've just made myself invisible on his birthday last Tuesday so he'll know what it feels like.

I'm so mad and irritated and to get back, I just want to bury my mobile phone dead the moment he leaves this place. Then I would screw any guy I would meet. Tingnan lang natin.

Mahirap talagang kumita ng pera...

Sa tatlong taon na paghahanap-buhay ko dito sa UP, ngayon lang ako nagtrabaho ng holiday...walang bayad. [Sige lang, may clothing allowance naman daw.] I worked holidays when I was still with SMC...but that's a department store. Di uso ang holiday dun.

The storm has passed...

Everything's okay now...or so I hope. Nagkausap na tayo. I was finally able to vent out the things that I have keeping within me for such a long time now. Nalaman mo na rin kung bakit ako nasaktan. Sana okay na nga lahat.

Thank you.

now what?

I was just chatting with your mom, then you suddenly sent me a message saying you have to go and will talk to me later. Bakit na naman ba? You want to make me suffer even more?

my town...

it's amazing what a bit of research can do you for. i was just trying to research on anything about the colonial history of meycauayan for a friend, then i stumble onto some great things myself. things that i have always taken for granted, like the meycauayan parish and the small chapel at malhacan, are in fact, are centuries old. then memories of my past came rushing back into my mind: the bahay na bato that i always pass by whenever i go to balagtas...the churches [or even the belfrys] of sta. maria, bocaue and marilao...the markers...almost everything.

perhaps i should be ashamed that it's only now that i get to be fascinated by the history of meycauayan. i had always thought it was a small town. now i learn it's in fact one of the earliest towns established in bulacan...dating to the spanish colonial time.

The changing face of sadism...

In the past, sadism only referred to sex and pleasure. [No need to elaborate. I'm sure you know what I mean.] Now, it has come to have a whole new definition for me.

When you take in sick joy in the misery of others, you become a sadist. When you act nonchalant at the misery of others, you become a sadist. When you don't give a fickung damn, you become a sadist. When you adamantly refuse to acknowledge that you caused that misery, you become a sadist.

Buti sana kung di mo kilala yung tao. Okay lang. Paano kung kaibigan mo? Don't you become a sadist yourself?

I can name two people who have become my own sadists. But I'm not a masochist. I fight. But I just drove one of them away.

Looking up...

Things have been very, very hectic...and things seem to be looking up. I'm looking forward to them, despite the hectic life I'm about to face.