Shiira Megumi, Disco Bitch

2007-10-16T21:16:00.000+08:00

I'll be flying home to Bulacan (my home province) and I'm not happy about it.

I'm going home because my grandfather passed away early this morning.

My Ghost...

2007-08-08T11:59:00.000+08:00

Don't you just hate it when you forget things you need to remember and remember things you need to forget?

You tell yourself you're fine and you try to act like it but you know you're never a good actress when it comes to hiding your own feelings. You read his text message, a few lines he'd sent ages ago which you've written down and kept in your notebook for memory's sake. "So how about it? One last date for old time's sake, to relive what was lost and celebrate what could've been?"

And you're affected because you never had any form of closure.

You recall the date that did push through that started from SM North Edsa to your humble house in Bulacan. You had McChicken burger to go along the way. You discussed about life, exchanged funny anecdotes, cited potential partners (which, in his case meant his current partner, as he was already committed to someone), did some orgmate bashing. You tried to talk about anything except how you two felt for each other. You felt there was no need to.

But you did talk about the "could've been's" of your past. You talked about why you liked each other to the point of loving each other. You talked about your feelings. And you never ceased to wonder why you two never ended up together. You two have the same odd tastes for Gundams and Evangelions, you both loved only two Batman movies because they were made by Tim Burton while you thought the other Batmans sucked, you both have this uncanny penchant for knowing what the other is thinking all the time. You're the only friend he has who calls him by his family nickname and he's the only friend you have who never hesitated to buy you a pack of sanitary napkins from the Coop when you needed one.

Sometimes you think he's your soulmate, if you're the type who really believes in one. On the other hand, you try to think he's not your soulmate because it only makes you feel worse you're not with him.

And then he kissed you, even if he already had somebody else. Then you just brushed it all off because you think it was just something that was supposed to have happened a long time ago but didn't because you weren't really together then officially.

But he told you afterwards that he still loved you and you had no choice but to lie through your teeth by telling him you didn't love him because the truth of the matter was that you loved him but you didn't want to complicate his relationship with his girlfriend.

And you were affected then because you thought you had closure but you only ended up opening a possible relationship which should have happened even before his girlfriend came into the picture.

You moved down south to live your life, kept in touch with him, purposely avoiding any talk you might have about the two of you. And everything was fine until he told you his girlfriend cheated on him. And you wanted to skin this girlfriend alive, berating yourself at the same time why you hadn't allowed the two of you to end up together. And you hated him because he got back with her anyway.

And in that time of separation--physically and emotionally--you found someone who really loved you back, and moved on. Yet some strange forces moved you two back together again chatting like old friends. And you purposefully avoided talking about the two of you together because you felt it wasn't needed. After all, he had her and you have your own.

Suddenly, everything seemed fine. You two chat like platonic old friends even if deep down, you were anything but platonic friends. You both pretended to be happy for each other for having that significant someone yet you hated him for being with her and you know he hated you for being with someone else. And for a moment, you put up with this farce until he told you he's getting married on the eve of his wedding. And you know you should've been happy. You just don't know why it hurt. And from that day on, you cut all ties with him...or at least you force yourself to cut all ties with him. But you couldn't because you still have his number on your speed dial, even if you have succeeded in telling yourself never to call him again.

You decide to stalk him and your standards of "stalk" would mean viewing his Friendster profile. And since you hadn't known about the anonymous setting, he learned you look into his account. And you know because he also looked into yours. And one day, out of the blue, you stalk him again--anonymously this time--only to see an ultrasonolographic image of a baby: their baby.

It was then you realize you have to stop. But you can't help but wonder...what if?

Friday the 13th

2007-07-13T11:49:00.000+08:00

The day for me is still young, but I've already managed to:

1.) Avoid hitting a Mitsubushi Adventure on my way to drive my mom to work
2.) Narrowly avoid being hit by a raging oil truck.

I hope nothing of similar sorts would come my way today...or ever.

It's not that I totally believe in the so-called "curse of Friday the 13th." I know it's just a day. It's just sometimes, it's seems better to blame the day than remember that majority of the mishaps could've been avoided had I been more careful. For one, the day won't fight back...and you could save yourself the trouble of calling yourself clumsy.

But...that's just my opinion.

Lesson learned...

2007-05-11T13:29:00.000+08:00

You can't tell who your true friends are until you find out what they've been doing to you behind your back.

Caught in between...

2007-04-20T14:59:00.000+08:00

This is how two bestfriends from way back in college react to uncertainties...

Speechless

2007-04-19T23:09:00.000+08:00

Today, someone told me, "You know, you excel and stand out even when you don't try...and you excel and stand out even more if you do."

I was stunned. I didn't know how to react. So, I just smiled, hoping it was the right thing to do.

Post-birthday Musing...

2007-04-08T23:41:00.000+08:00

Last April 3, I turned 30. Unlike some people, I don't consider my birthday a scourge. I don't see the point of feeling miserable whenever my birthday comes around. If anything, it's a chance for me to thank God for letting me get this far and to hope that He will give me more.

I guess the only thing that would make me feel sad about a birthday is realizing that I wasn't able to do something that I could've done.

There are 30 things I should've done before I had turned 30: I wish I had...

1) ...learned to drive at an earlier age.
2) ...submitted an article for Youngblood.
3) ...learned to play a musical instrument.
4) ...gotten married.
5) ...gotten pregnant.
6) ...trekked up the majestic Mt. Apo.
7) ...learned enough swimming to survive.
8) ...learned Photoshop.
9) ...earned my master's degree.
10) ...solved the Rubik's Cube.
11) ...donated blood.
12) ...written anything worth publishing.
13) ...been brave enough to let that person know how much I cared.
14) ...gone overseas, if only for a day.
15) ...secured a passport.
16) ...saved enough money in the bank.
17) ...learned Nihongo. Seriously.
18) ...been more organized with my things.
19) ...started a scrapbook.
20) ...started a travelogue.
21) ...tried surfing when I went to Siargao.
22) ...engaged myself in any sport.
23) ...applied for a scholarship grant abroad.
24) ...gotten an insurance policy.
25) ...put up my own webpage.
26) ...taken a stab at the Palanca Awards.
27) ...started a small business.
28) ...learned how to handle my finances [that is, if there's any to handle].
29) ...done something to make my mom proud of me.
30) ...done something significant for the world.

But as optimistic as I tend to be, maybe I will have my chance at fulfilling some things on the list before I turn 40.

Ano daw?

2007-03-19T01:47:00.000+08:00

These seriously cracked me up. Ain't quite funny for non-native Filipino speakers though...

The more, the manyer.
It's a no win-win situation.
Come! Let's join us!
Are you joking my leg?
It's not my problem anymore; it's your problem anymore.
You can never can tell.
Let's give them a big hand of applause! (I also seem to remember hearing someone say, "Let's give him a warm of applause!")
Been there, been that.
Forget it about it.
Give him the benefit of the daw.
It's a blessing in the sky.
One of these days is not like the other.
In the wink of an eye.
For all intense and pruposes.
I ran into some errands.
Whatever you say so.
Can't you just cut me some slacks?

2007-03-15T12:04:00.000+08:00

So my weekend didn't turn out to be that boring and lifeless, despite Eric being far (too far) away from me.

Last Friday after work, Claire asked John and I to have coffee, just to unwind and chill out. Since John had to attend a meeting first, Claire and I decided to go ahead and just wait for John at Karl's in SM. Over iced coffee and cigarettes (always the perfect combination), we chatted, a bit awkward at first, maybe, since it had been quite some time since we hung out last. Eventually, we discussed a few things openly about ourselves. She told me those are things she didn't expect of me to which I retorted by saying, "There are a lot of facets to my personality."

We talked about our lives since we're both turning 30 this year (she on the 25th and I on the 3rd of next month), how shitty our erm, "personal" lives had been lately (though mine was way too worse than hers), that "one guy" in our lives (there always has to be this one guy, right?), and a planned trip to somewhere the summer of next year (and facing the possibility of a summer fling).

The one thing that I really liked about that talk was that she told me she liked talking to me. I guess it's because we have similar personalities, being Arians and all. We work on the same wavelength. And we're both the same age.

Come Saturday, it was bonding time for my Mom and I (a la Gilmore Girls). I'm glad she didn't go to work that day since I can't remember the last time we went out and did something like we did that day. In the morning, we attended driving class together (my last session and her 2nd), told her about the cute guy sitting beside me in driving class, helped me flirt with the guy after the class, had lunch at a newly-opened restaurant, went to the mall, bought a mixer and a pressure cooker, had a facial, then went to the spa.

And then I realized, life without Eric for a few days was fine. The world didn't end.

But I still hate it when we're not together.

Pinoy films then...

2007-03-09T16:41:00.000+08:00

I talked about the basic elements of a formulaic Filipino GP film in my class. I did it before in my other classes and it never failed to make them laugh.

So what makes a typical Pinoy GP film?

First, there has to be a poor but kind man and a young, beautiful rich couple's daughter with a dirty old man for a suitor. Next, there has to be around 5 kids, one of whom is a rich kid who ran away from home. They are all being taken cared of by the poor but kind man. Or, if there won't be kids, there has to be around 3 teenaged loveteams in the movie. The elderly parent of the poor man usually is presented to always be nagging at his/her son for not being as successful at somebody else. Oh, and there has to be the bad guys, of course.

A typical Filipino GP film has...
COMEDY. Mainly seen all throughout the movie, usually in slapstick format.

ROMANCE. The poor but kind man gets the rich beautiful daughter eventually.

TRIPS. The entire cast will usually go on an excursion, usually to the beach.

MUSIC. Somehow, during the whole excursion, the whole cast gets into a song and dance number, complete with choreography and back-up dancers. Often, that part ends with everyone jumping up high and the camera freezes the shot.

HORROR. On their way back home, their van breaks down right in front of an old scary house. The rain pours down and they are left with no choice but to seek shelter in the "haunted house". Once inside, all sorts of creepy events meet them. Usually, there's a scary old woman or a scary hunchbacked man.

MYSTERY. Inside the house, someone from the pack goes missing and the whole gang searches for their missing companion.

ACTION. Eventually, the cast will realize, while on their search for their missing member, that the "haunted house" is just a safehouse for some bad guys doing some illegal activity. All these will be revealed and the good gang will try to beat up the bad guys. Oftentimes, one of the good guys gets hit by a teammate by mistake. Eventually, when the bad guys have been beaten, the cops will arrive at the scene.

DRAMA. The runaway kid (or alien or angel, in some cases), will be leaving the shanties to go back to his/her rich parents (or to his/her home planet...or to heaven) and everyone in the gang will be crying their goodbyes.

A HAPPY ENDING. The parents of the rich runaway kid (if this is the case) will realize how sad their kid will be and asks the poor but kind man to live with them instead so everybody will be rich and happy.

Sometimes, if the musical isn't in the middle part of the movie, it will be at the end.

Dorothy Shoes...

2006-11-13T12:25:00.000+08:00

There is a reason why I refer to myself in this blog (as well as in my other blogs) as "The Orgasmic Beauty in Scarlet Shoes."

First, I have been described as "orgasmic" by my orgmates at UJP-UP, primarily because of how much I playfully harass Weng, an orgmate and a dear friend (who's happily married now to a wonderful lady). In one of the sigsheets which was used as an assignment booklet for aspiring UJP members, one of Weng's codes was, "Bilis, Tuxedo Mask! Andyan na si Sailormars!" Back then, I still had a good body to show, accented by a 24-inch waistline. (I still have a 24-inch waistline...it's somewhere in the other inches.)

Second, I have been known by my pair of red shoes. My first pair was a cute ballet flats number which I often used for dancing. (There must be something with red shoes for dancing that attracts so much attention.) When that pair gave up from being worn too much, I changed to a pair of red alligator-skin loafers. When that died out on me, I found another pair of red shoes...until I moved to Davao.

I don't remember having any pair of red shoes since I moved. (Well, I do have a pair of red sandals, but I don't count them as shoes.) Maybe because the footwear trend changed from shoes to sandals and slippers. On the other hand, I found myself being more comfy in a good pair of sneakers.

And then last Saturday, I saw a pair of red shoes. It's so read you'd be blind not to notice it. And I told myself I'm going to buy it.

Unfortunately, I couldn't get my money withdrawn from the bank...ATM problems.

I hope the pair is still there until I buy it.

Because I can be bitchy sometimes...

2006-11-13T11:48:00.000+08:00

Classy things to say when stressed:

1. "Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you!!!"
2. "You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing?!"
3. "How many times do I have to flush before you go away?"
4. "Well this day was a total waste of make-up." (I've used this before.)
5. "Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after."
6. "This isn't an office. It's HELL with fluorescent lighting."
7. "I pretend to work, they pretend to pay me."
8. "YOU!!... off my planet!!!"
9. "Errors have been made. Others will be blamed."
10. "And your cry-baby, whiny-assed opinion would be...?"
11. "I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years."
12. "Sarcasm is just one more service I offer."
13. "I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable"
14. "Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet.
15. "Back off!! You're standing in my aura."
16. "I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?"
17. "Not all men are annoying. Some are dead."
18. "Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality." (Hah! My favorite!)
19. "Chaos, panic and disorder...my work here is done."
20. "You look like shit. Is that the style now?" (I think I used this in a fanfic sometime back.)
21. "Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?"
22. "I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert."
23. "A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth."
24. "You are depriving some village of an idiot."
25. "If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport."

And if you kow more, feel free to add.

Something people call "memes"

2006-11-01T18:02:00.000+08:00

I've always enjoyed these things...

Bakit ka nahuhuli sa pila bago mag-flag ceremony? Nasa tapat lang ng bahay namin ang school. Akala ko ako si Darna na makakayang magbihis, lumabas ng bahay, tumawid ng highway...all in 2 minutes.
Anong favorite mong bilhin sa canteen? RC Cola at Humpy Dumpy orange
Na-guidance/principal's/csde office ka ba? No. Mabait ako...dati.
Sinong favorite teacher mo doon? Si Sir Ernie Alcantara
Sinong HATEST teacher mo doon? Marami...Reynante, Gregorio
Saan ka usually tumatambay? Why? Sa walkway. Madali maghintay dun ng crush. At saka sa storeroom sa likod ng room namin nung third year kami.
What's your most unforgettable experience sa high school mo? First time kong magkaroon ng manliligaw.
Varsity? If you will count the cheerleading squad and the dance troupe as varsity.
Sinong una mo'ng nakilala sa high school mo? Si Ruby.
Sinong mga kabarkada mo nung nag-graduate ka? Si Kenting at si Wheng
Nami-miss mo na ba 'yung uniform mo? Oo kasi pinalitan nila ng hindi maganda
Ilang beses mo'ng nawala ang ID mo? Never!
Favorite teacher's quotable quote? "Oo sandali, kukunin ko lang ang ating banner..." (It's more effective spoken than written)
Most unforgettable person? Why? Si Derick. Syet. Perslab eh.
Kailan sa tingin mo darating ang yearbook? Dumating na.
I-describe mo ang mukha mo sa grad pic. Bwek!
Anong binibili mo sa labas tuwing uwian? Songhits! Baliw na baliw ako nun sa New Kids On The Block
Nakakita ka na ba ng multo sa school? Hindi. Third eye blind.
Nangarag ka ba sa updating/paghahabol sa graduation? No.
Ano'ng unang-una mo'ng ginawa right after graduation? Kumain sa KFC.
Anong contests ang sinalihan/napanalunan mo? Sa Spelling Bee...saka sa Extemporaneous Speech
Kumusta naman ang Intrams? Nakakatakot para sa akin kasi nakikipaglaro ako niyan kay Kamatayan dahil hinahagis kami sa ere para sa mga stunts.
Favorite janitor/janitress? Di ko alam.
Kung papalitan ang color ng uniform mo, anong kulay? Bakit? Pinalitan na nga nila, eh.
Nasa Friendster mo ba 'yung crush mo nung high school? Eh yung kaaway mo to the nth level? Ay, oo.
Did you ever regret going to your high school? No.
Sino sa mga ka-batch mo ang dapat napasali sa Starstruck? Si Minerva siguro.
Saan ka nag-aaral ngayon? Course? USEP. MS DevCom Management. Graduate school, 'tol!
Sino ang favorite love team mo sa high school? Ako saka yung crush ko.
Anu-ano ang section mo? From 1st to 4th year: Ilang-Ilang, Pearl, Narra, Rizal

Something to fill these pages...

2006-10-16T15:08:00.000+08:00

Luna Sea [L-R]: J, Shinya, Ryu, Inoran, Sugizo

This is the first fanfiction I had ever attempted to write. I've decided to post it here since I wanted to have another purpose for this blog. This fanfic, after all, is a part of me. This is what started me into writing. I've made lots of friends because of fanfiction writing. Though initially, it was all because of the fandom, I eventually had friends who saw me as Shiira Megumi, the friend, and not just Shiira Megumi, the fanfic writer.

This piece was inspired by the J-rock band Luna Sea [these guys here] and it is, by far, the only Luna Sea fic I wrote. What followed was a string of Glay fanfiction.

You would also have to forgive me for the way I write. I never considered myself as a very good writer. My only purpose in writing--at least during my fanfic-writing days--was to make my friends happy.

I haven't written anything lately. I hope posting my fics here would help me get back on my writing.

====================
Losing Her
Shiira Megumi

Today my heart thumped loudly from within my chest, much wilder than it did before any of the sold-out concerts I've given out with my band-my former band. Nothing I've done in the past could have prepared me for this moment. Sure, the idea might have crossed my mind a few times before, but nothing beats reality. And reality is here, slapping my face, tormenting me along with mixed emotions already swimming in my head and heart.

I knocked on the door and her faint yet sweet voice came muffled from inside. I took one deep breath before I turned the knob to let myself in.

Her face lit up as soon as she saw my reflection on the mirror. With a smile, she got up from the dresser chair and spins around to meet my eyes. "Well...how do I look?"

I smiled, beaming. "Like the gorgeous girl you've always been." It was a simple line yet it took all of my guts to say it. I almost even choked on it. Gorgeous was putting it simply. She is so beautiful it's far beyond words. She was dressed in a white off-shoulder number of satin, tulle, and beads, the princess-cut bodice hugging her shapely torso, the full skirt making her appear like a heroine out of the fairy tale book she'd always been fond of reading. The diamond-studded tiara sitting daintily atop her head proved it.

I stifled a chuckle as I remembered when I'd worn a similar albeit unimpressive dress a few years back during one of our concerts, way before I even met her. Had she seen me then, she probably would've laughed me off the stage. After all, I was then already in my late twenties, at the time when I basked in the long peak of my career as lead guitarist of Luna Sea, the greatest rock band of my time. My life then had simply consisted of four elements: music, alcohol, nicotine, and women. I let the smirk triumph over me. I've come a long way since I've met her, haven't I?

Then again, maybe she wouldn't laugh at me silly. She'd always been understanding of everything I did. In fact, it's one of the things I dearly loved about her. How can anyone not feel the same way?

Her face broke into a sly grin. "Hey, you don't look half-bad yourself."

Trust her to always be the first to notice any effort I put into making myself look good, not that I had to exert a lot of it. I had on a white tux ensemble, complete with equally immaculate white leather dress shoes. My hair I wore short and simple and free of any color. It had been that way for years now. I guess I look...normal. Hn, it's one of her favorite words.

"Well, I must not look any worse," I retorted with a playful lift of a brow. "I can't let you have all the attention now, can I? I am the rock star after all."

"Was," she corrected.

The signature bitchy expression on my face wore off to be replaced by a thoughtful, serious smile. "Yes, that's right."

"You don't regret it, do you?"

"No. I still miss it though, to be honest. I mean, it is the band that I've lived for. Bur regret is out of the question. You know I did it for you."

"I never asked you to give it up."

"I know." And it was true. Not once did she demand for me to choose between her and my career. If she had been just any woman, I would've blatantly chosen the band right at her face. But that's not what she is. Besides, the breakup had been a mutual agreement between me and the guys. We've had our moments. It was just agreed that all of us should take time out to attend to the important people that matter in our life more than trying to please others. After all, we've all spent half of our lives doing just that.

She looked down at the floor for a moment. "I almost forgot. Isn't it bad luck for you to see me before the ceremonies."

"I'm not your groom." Those were the hardest words I've ever given out. It was as outright as saying I've lost her.

"I think I'm gonna cry."

"Then cry." Deep inside, I honestly think I should be the one to do just that. She isn't the one about to lose the most important person in her life.

"I'm just deliriously glad. This is the happiest moment of my life."

"Mine, too."

Soft brown eyes regarded me in surprise. "Really?"

"I'm happy if you're happy. You know that."

She nodded with a sniff, I noticed. "Well, I guess it's time to see if this mascara really is waterproof, ne? I shall see you outside then?"

I expelled another puff of air. "Actually, there's something I need to give you before you go out there." I strode towards her, stopping just a few inches away from her. I pulled out a rectangular blue velvet box from my back pocket and handed it to her.

Her eyes grew wide. "This is so beautiful!" she cried, taking the gold necklace from its case. A gloved hand smoothed the huge sapphire pendant hanging elegantly from the chain. "Thank you so much."

"It's nothing." I took the jewelry from her hands and she faced her back to me so I could clasp the chain around her neck. "You know," I began, recalling the speech I've long been practicing before my bathroom mirror, "I don't think I've ever told you how much you mean to me."

"You have," she said. "Lost of times before...when we were together."

"Maybe, but did you know how much I've meant ever single word I've uttered?" I inhaled deeply to cover up the beginnings of nasal drips caused by impending tears and I caught the faint scent of jasmine wafting from behind her ears. I love her wearing that scent.

She didn't say a word and I took it as my cue to go on. "Ever since I've met you, you've become the center of my life. I never thought I could get to feel a love as special as the one I felt with you, but you made it all possible. Since then, everything that I did, I've always done with you on my mind. When Luna Sea broke up, I felt sad and hurt, but in a way I was glad and relieved. I knew it meant spending more time with you. I wanted to be with you at all times, to be there when you need me and even when you don't. I wanted to make up for when I weren't there because I had my career. And at this point, before you march down there and into the arms of the man you've chosen, I just wanted you to know that you are the most important person in my life, and that I love you very, very much. And I'm not saying all these to ask you not to...not to walk down that aisle. I'm just...stating a difficulty."

She spun around to face me, her eyes brimming with tears threatening to fall at any given moment. I would love to see them trickle down her pretty face but a knock came at the door I've stupidly left open.

"There you guys are! We've been searching all over for you," a middle-aged but still suave-looking Ryuichi exclaimed by the doorway. Bless him, always right on time. "You ready?"

"Yes," I replied. I threw her a hurried glance. "I'll see you outside." Then I quickly headed for my way out without waiting for her response. I guess I was afraid of what she'd say. She's young, only twenty-two, but she'd never feared to say what was in her heart. I may be more than twice her age, and I've yet to feel as comfortable spilling out whatever I keep, although that did change somehow a few years back.

To be honest, a lot of things did change about me when I met her. When all I cared about was my stereotypical rock star status, she came into my life and, as Ryuichi himself said, I've been different since. For the better. I used to be so selfish, thinking there was nothing more important to me but myself and the band. But I changed after I realized I was crazy about her. She'd changed me without meaning to. She just simply had to be there.

But after today has gone, she's going to change my life all over again, almost as she'd alter hers. She still has her whole life ahead of her, a new one. I, however, could not bear to think life without her, if I could still call it life at all. I'm about to lose the woman I've ever loved as much. How could anyone call that living?

I poked my head inside the cathedral to see everybody settled into his seat. Almost all of the guests had arrived and I can't help but smile. Things sure changed a lot after about two decades. My friends and former bandmates were all present at the left side of the chapel. Inoran was seated comfortably in the second row beside his pretty wife and their equally good-looking youngest son. J, still the self-avowed bachelor, was in the same row, murmuring something to his current flame, a former commercial model. Shinya looked as healthy as he was during our last concert, his wife absent for a CM shoot in Europe. Ryuichi was by the window and busy chatting up with the members of the new band he was producing.

Other noted people were present as well, famous almost at the same time we were. The man partly responsible for our fame as Luna Sea, Yoshiki was seated at the back beside a pretty blonde with a noticeable huge diamond solitaire on her left middle finger. So he had finally broken his pledge of bachelorhood...after twenty-five years! A gentle laugh diverted my gaze to the right side of the chapel where the members of L'Arc~en~Ciel were, their frontman Hyde as good-looking as a man as ever. I think their band had lasted the longest among their contemporaries, one of which included mine, although Haido had taken on a lot of solo projects a few years after he got married. Luna Sea weren't in speaking terms with Laruku before, but time had definitely mellowed down the rivalry. I smirked as I saw their bassist smile. Tetsu seemed like wine, getting better with age. I seemed to remember he looked handsomer today than he did the last time I saw him, which was always the case.

The members of Glay were here, too, not that it's a shocker. Jiro was seated at the second row, right side, along with his pregnant yet still beautiful wife. In three months, she'll be going into her fifth labor. Hisashi-chatting with Jiro believe it or not-has taken on a more masculine appearance since Glay made their final bow years before L'Arc~en~Ciel did. He came with his wife-his second after a nasty divorce from his first. She had recently given birth to their second child, a daughter who's an exact image of Hisashi. Takuro, on the other hand, came alone, perhaps to be so damn dedicated to the task I asked of him to play the piano for the affair. I shook my head. He hadn't changed at all.

My dear friend Teru was up on his feet by the first row on the right. He was talking to his son Keiji who looked as dignified as his dad in a white tuxedo. Lucky bastard, that younger Kobashi is, I thought, snorting. He was the one I'd be losing her to. But I hadn't meant that in a derogatory way. If she'll be happy with him, then it's fine with me. But should he lay a finger on her, he'd have to answer to me. If he ever dared to hurt her, I'd whack my most expensive guitar on his face to extreme unrecognition--both the guitar and his face.

My morbid thoughts and waiting were intermitted by the soft clicking of heels against the marble floor. I forgot everyone inside as I averted my attention to her. "Hi," I greeted, trying not to notice her eyes were red and a bit puffy behind the veil covering her face. "Ready?"

"You didn't give me a chance to speak," she said, coming straight to the point.

"Sorry." I meant it. But I also meant the stolen opportunity for her to have her say.

"But I have something to tell you, too. Not quite a mouthful though, but I hope it's enough to send my point across."

I nodded in resignation, facing my fears. "Alright.'

"You are important to me, and it's much more than you think you are. I'll never deny the fact that you are the first man I've ever come to love, and the only man I'll love as much as I do now. I've always been proud of you and I'd never want you any other way. You are the first man in my life, and you always will be."

Those were the sweetest words she, or anyone else, had ever said straight at me. I pressed my quivering lips to her forehead and kissed her. I felt her arms wrap around me and the subtle shaking of her shoulders as she sobbed. Once again, although she'd heard it more than once, I said the very words I've always told her.

"I love you, Luna."

"I love you, too, Daddy."

An hour later, my precious Luna Sugihara became Mrs. Keiji Kobashi.

18 December 2000, 3:09 AM

Author's Note:
This fic probably doesn't make any sense at all. I just toyed with the idea of Sugizo being the father of the bride, after knowing how much he loves his daughter so much. I find that truly endearing so much so that it prompted me to wonder how Sugizo would seem in such a position. You've got to admit, it would be nice to winder how things would go. Some of the lines supposedly delivered by Sugizo came from the translated version of his open letter to his fans to tell them about Luna. The feelings that poured out with every word he uttered melted my heart. That's when I felt how much he loves his daughter enough to give her his own life.

I wrote this fic a few days-a week and a day to be exact-before Luna Sea's Final Act Tokyo Dome concert and as of this moment, no one but Luna Sea and the gods know of they'll ever get back together again, which is why I've made that little detail a bit vague.

Some clarification is in order:

Haido - is the romanized [Japanese words written in roman letters] form of Hyde, L'Arc~en~Ciel's lead vocalist
Laruku - shortened romanized form of L'Arc~en~Ciel

As this is a fanfiction, all standard fanfic disclaimers apply, yada, yada, yada...you all know the drill. And yes, for the umpteenth time, I own none of the characters I've mentioned, though I truly wish all the men are mine, including the father of the bride.

Succubus

2006-10-10T12:56:00.000+08:00

Found this on the net. I like it!

2006-06-06T15:28:00.000+08:00

Ang hirap pala magpaliwanag sa student kung bakit siya nakakuha ng bagsak sa class...lalo na pag wala akong magawa kasi nakalagay lahat sa class record ang naging performance niya...at mababa lahat.

2006-04-26T11:53:00.000+08:00

Well, if it makes you happy to believe that everything was entirely my fault, then so be it. Frankly, I don't give a rat's ass. But you know what, you're no different from me.

Randomness

2006-04-20T15:14:00.000+08:00

I know that at one point, I'm not all wrong. But how can I make her hear me out of she had stated that she won't hear anything from me again? I suddenly started to wonder if everything was my fault.

It's been a long time since I wrote here, and this is what I have to say...

2005-06-27T15:28:00.000+08:00

A freshman student of our University was stabbed to death last Friday night on her way home. Her parents only found out about it this morning when her father went to the dorm to give his daughter her allowance, and found out she had left Friday to go home.

She was stabbed eight times, and her wallet and cellphone were gone.She's a first year student taking up BS Biology. She hasn't even been in this University for more than a month. She had her whole life ahead of her.

What kind of inhumane creatures would do something like this?

Haven't had a good rant in a while...

2005-05-21T15:25:00.000+08:00

I love my mother so much. She has struggled so much for me all these 28 years...and even before, back in the time when she was still pregnant with me. But from time to time, she has been driving me nuts. And she drove me raging yesterday.

I haven't had a decent vacation this summer yet. The only one about to come will be next week...after I have long tried to make time for it. I will be going to Siargao...just one decent vacation. And she raised hell about it last night all because the maid is going away for the weekend. What did she say? "Sige, lumayas na kayo lahat." Damn it.

I'm not doing anything bad, as far as I know. I still do the responsibilities I have back home. I leave everything I have to do once she needs me. Hell, I even slipped out of an office activity where people were relying one me [and one activity where the big people were there i.e. the Chancellor, the Vice-Chancellor for Acadmic Affairs, the University Librarian, the Dean of the College, the Department Chair] all because she got mad that there was no food waiting for her at home all because the maid decided to leave without leaving something for her, and I had been at work since early morning. I bought her dinner, went home, waited for her, then left once she was done with dinner. Did she even consider the fact that I abandoned my responsibility at work because of her? Fuck, no.

My mother doesn't think my job is important. She can't see why I need to be at work even after my classes are over. Hell, my official work hours are 8 hours daily, like any other employee. It just so happened that I'm not tied to the dictates of the bundy clock. It's not my fault my working hours are such. From the moment I entered UP, it has always been like that.

I love my work, but she doesn't think I should be working too hard because I do not have additional pay. I'm a government employee, for chrissake! Salary increases for workers like me is a national issue.

My mom thinks that if I don't go to work, nothing much will be affected. Kasi, nagtuturo lang naman daw ako. Hell, I don't even want to remember she was also a teacher before.

She thinks my work is not as important as her work...because her whole damned office will not function if she's not around. Her people rely on her, she's needed, but the world will still go on. It's not like the whole department store will stop operations just because she's not around.

I love my job. I love my job so much because it had become a vocation for me, not just a source of income. I love my job as much as she loves hers.

She wants me to go abroad to seek the proverbial greener pasture. I don't want to go abroad to work. Call me pathetic, but would feel so ashamed of myself for turning my back on my country after all the efforts that the taxpayers have gone through to send me to school. I do not--would not--condemn others who would want to work overseas, but staying here is what I want.

Right now, I'm on a journey to look for an online partner for my mother. Partly, I need to get her off my back. Mostly, I think a companiion would do her good. I cannot be around forever for her.

I could've moved out a long time ago if I wanted to. After all, I'm already 28 freakin' years old [same age she was when she gave birth to me]. Yet I didn't move out not because I can't afford it. I didn't move out not because I couldn't get married yet. I didn't move out because I wanted my freedom.

I didn't move out because I wanted to be with her. I didn't move out because I want to spend time with her before I get married two years from now. I want to spend as much time as I could with her because we both know my priorities will change once I start my own family.

But sometimes, she makes me feel I regret my decision to stay.

Mom, I'm not a child anymore. I will tell you where I would be going and stuff so you will know where I am, not because I'm asking for you to grant me permission.

I admit I can fall down, but I know I can rise because you taught me to. I can make decisions for myself which I may regret, but from which I can learn. I don't need someone to hold my hand whenever I walk because I already know how to. But I NEED someone who will keep an eye on me just to see if I can make it on my own.

I'm not a child anymore. Please, let me live my age.

You really piss me off...

2005-05-03T09:21:00.000+08:00

Alam ko may pinariringgan ka. Nakakainis ka. I hate the way you try to twist my words and make them come out as your own. "I don't know how to talk to other people anymore." Blah! Weren't those my approaching words to you? May ginawa ka ba? Wala...except copy my words and put them in your mouth as your own.

As much as possible, I would not want to deal with this or with you anymore. Nahihirapan sa atin si Bhex because she's torn. I don't want her to go through the burden of trying to make us agree on something because God knows she has a lot in her hands.

Yes, I know it's a very strong thing to say, but, yes, I do hate you.

I have been quiet for a long time now...

2005-04-25T14:05:00.000+08:00

And I just have to say this to you.

If you are going to greet me a happy birthday with all the trimmings of excuses because this happened to you...or because you couldn't reach me [which really is just plain bullshit, anyway...but more on that later]...or because of whatever alibi you could pull out of your hat, please lang, DON'T BOTHER SENDING ME A GREETING because it wouldn't take a magi to realize there's nothing sincere about it.

You said you couldn't text me because you lost your contacts when you lost your phone last year and you couldn't get them back. You have Bhex's number. Did you ask her? I didn't think so. For crying out loud, your brother has my number! Would it take THAT much effort from you to at least ask me "Hoy, ano nga ba number mo" through y!m? Kelan lang ba nagloko ang y!m mo?

I wasn't demanding for you to greet me, but if you perceive what you did to be some act of "kindness", just forget it because it's obviously not. Even a stupid person would know that.

I did thank you because I wouldn't want to be bastos. But what you did even before I said thank you, binastos mo na ako.

Kaya please lang, next time, don't bother.

2005-03-22T12:58:00.000+08:00

I just lost the drive to celebrate my birthday.

Just less than 3 weeks from now...

2005-03-17T14:46:00.000+08:00

I used to be very excited at the very idea that my birthday is just around the corner. Call me egocentric, but my birthday is my favorite holiday. No, I am not so sure.

The boyfriend will be in Manila for his stupid annual convention with that stupid girl. It's not like he has never been there before. He can just as well miss it, but no, he'll go there. What hurts is that I know he will never choose me over it because I'm not at the top of his priorities. I should've just made myself invisible on his birthday last Tuesday so he'll know what it feels like.

I'm so mad and irritated and to get back, I just want to bury my mobile phone dead the moment he leaves this place. Then I would screw any guy I would meet. Tingnan lang natin.

Mahirap talagang kumita ng pera...

2005-03-16T16:23:00.000+08:00

Sa tatlong taon na paghahanap-buhay ko dito sa UP, ngayon lang ako nagtrabaho ng holiday...walang bayad. [Sige lang, may clothing allowance naman daw.] I worked holidays when I was still with SMC...but that's a department store. Di uso ang holiday dun.

The storm has passed...

2005-03-15T15:04:00.000+08:00

Everything's okay now...or so I hope. Nagkausap na tayo. I was finally able to vent out the things that I have keeping within me for such a long time now. Nalaman mo na rin kung bakit ako nasaktan. Sana okay na nga lahat.

Thank you.

now what?

2005-03-09T17:07:00.000+08:00

I was just chatting with your mom, then you suddenly sent me a message saying you have to go and will talk to me later. Bakit na naman ba? You want to make me suffer even more?

my town...

2005-03-08T16:27:00.000+08:00

it's amazing what a bit of research can do you for. i was just trying to research on anything about the colonial history of meycauayan for a friend, then i stumble onto some great things myself. things that i have always taken for granted, like the meycauayan parish and the small chapel at malhacan, are in fact, are centuries old. then memories of my past came rushing back into my mind: the bahay na bato that i always pass by whenever i go to balagtas...the churches [or even the belfrys] of sta. maria, bocaue and marilao...the markers...almost everything.

perhaps i should be ashamed that it's only now that i get to be fascinated by the history of meycauayan. i had always thought it was a small town. now i learn it's in fact one of the earliest towns established in bulacan...dating to the spanish colonial time.

The changing face of sadism...

2005-03-04T16:32:00.000+08:00

In the past, sadism only referred to sex and pleasure. [No need to elaborate. I'm sure you know what I mean.] Now, it has come to have a whole new definition for me.

When you take in sick joy in the misery of others, you become a sadist. When you act nonchalant at the misery of others, you become a sadist. When you don't give a fickung damn, you become a sadist. When you adamantly refuse to acknowledge that you caused that misery, you become a sadist.

Buti sana kung di mo kilala yung tao. Okay lang. Paano kung kaibigan mo? Don't you become a sadist yourself?

I can name two people who have become my own sadists. But I'm not a masochist. I fight. But I just drove one of them away.

Looking up...

2005-03-02T14:05:00.000+08:00

Things have been very, very hectic...and things seem to be looking up. I'm looking forward to them, despite the hectic life I'm about to face.

Cheering...

2005-02-25T07:54:00.000+08:00

My cousin Denz passed the UPCAT. Yay!!! He'll be taking up BS Biochemistry at UP Manila. Galeng! Sana pumasa din siya sa DOST exam.

Achieving...

2005-02-23T04:40:00.000+08:00

Achievements so far...

...won Best Female Performer at the Faculty Follies
...finished my part in the curricular changes
...made friends [naks!] with a key person in the US Embassy
...and more
...right

:)

Drowning...

2005-02-21T17:23:00.000+08:00

Work is officially becoming very, very demanding. Okay lang; at least we get to be recognized. I just hope the BACA revisions would be approved without much problems.

Starting...

2005-02-18T06:54:00.000+08:00

I don't know how to start this blog. I'm not particularly chipper at the moment.